Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Heartbroken or was I mistaken?

Two nights ago my son wanted to go to the store. We go and look around going our separate ways. While I was alone I hear a guy yell something really loud towards my direction about a video. I didn't hear the first few words that he had said, but I know he said it extremely loud. So I proceeded to get what I was looking for and met my son in front of the store. Once we got to the truck my son asked me if I had seen what was going on. No, I said. He said "Mom, I think those kids were making fun of you and even video taped you on their phone!" I really didn't want to hear anymore about it because I would get upset . I did not wanna cry or get upset about it in front of him ( My son is 14) As I thought about the fact that someone would be so cruel to go to the extreme of recording me...I started to tear up. Me being upset then went on to my son and he got mad that they hurt my feelings. Anyhow my son could have misinterpreted what had happened and I always worry about people making fun of me and judging me so I ran with what my son thought. Anyhow it crushed my spirit. I went home and cried. Then the next day woke up and cried again at the thought of what happened. I had a headache most of that day from being so upset.

My son and my sister ended up talking about what happened and he asked her if he could mow her grass to make some money to take me out and get my nails done. ( he will make his wife happy one day once he has one ...years from now!!!) I have gotten over it but If in fact what we believe happened, I know they will get theirs back later. It was just terrible. I had such a great day that day until this incident happened and it just ruined how I was feeling all around.

People are cruel and it is very sad that others get great joy out of making someone else feel bad about themselves. Instead of feeling bad I should have been thinking about where I have come from and not let them steal my joy. I used to weigh 402 and have lost 50 pounds HAD I FORGOTTEN ?!? No one knows better than I do how hard that was and how I am still working on me. It doesn't matter what they think but the fact that it was done in front of my son really made it hurt even more. I don't want to embarrass anyone because of my size and whether or not that is the case that is how I felt.

Friday, June 25, 2010

90 days at a time!

With the amount of weight I want to lose seeing the finish line is overwhelming! I think about how far I have and decide to just do what I want because i will never make it to the end! In reality had I have stuck with it when I originally started the dieting cycle I would have made it over a decade ago If I would have just hung in there. I have been hearing the phrase "90 days" alot in the past few months I read an awesome book called "Start Somewhere" That was when I was first introduced to 90 days. Then the week after that my pastor was talking about "Just give it 90 days" and recently I seen it somewhere else. So Guess what I am gonna do ?!?.... I am gonna Give it 90 days!

In the past two weeks I have really stopped the fast food. I seriously am a fast food junkie with how busy my life is. I decided to slow that down drastically. I have also wrote everything I eat in a food journal. Something I hate doing. I know that it works because it is a way to hold myself accountable.

In the past two weeks with just those two changes I lost 12 pounds! That's right 12 big ones baby! I know this is not going to always be a big loss but I will take it and run with it. I am so happy with that loss I woke up singing and dancing. I took 3 new body shots so that I can get back on to taking the pictures so I have comparison shots thru my journey. I did take a break of a few months and did what I wanted to. I am back to where I was again and I am not going to meetings but hope that writing in a food journal can replace my meetings for now.

I am terrible of being here on a regular basis, I will however do my best to get regular writings in whenever possible. It is baseball season for my son and that keeps us gone alot! I love it tho! have a great day and if I am not here before...have an AWESOME FOURTH of JULY!!!!