Saturday, July 25, 2009

It seems strange to me.

Yesterday, I was getting dressed to take my babies out for lunch. I put on my shirt and then my jeans. The jeans I put on today I had not worn in about a month. They are the stretch type jeans. Now trust me these jeans know what it is like to be stretched to capacity! I have worn these babies thru when I was 40 pounds heavier and could barely zip them up!! So, I put the jeans on and with ease zipped them up. But, this time they are loose!! I could not believe that my jeans were finally loose! I thought this was never going to happen. I actually had to fold the top under so they wouldn't stick out!! So, I get dressed and am on my way.

I meet my daughter and my 2 grand babies and go into the restaurant. This is something that I have never done but, I was being brave today. I did not tell the waiter to make sure to seat us at a table. Because being big we all know that a huge fear is BOOTHS! The fear of not fitting. So with the jeans being loose I am being a little "Riskay" (Yes Pronounced Risk kay.) LOL. We were seated and guess what?! I fit!! Ha ha! I was thrilled to not feel like I was an inconvenience. Or an embarrassment to the ones that were with me because I had to specially ask for a table. We had a great time together and we ate and laughed. My two favorite things! That and being with my family which means more to me than anything. My daughter and my granddaughters leave.

Me and my daughter Briana decide we want to go school shopping and get supplies at Walmart. I wanted to look at prices on a Wii. Because, I told myself once I lose 50 pounds I am getting the Wii along with the EA Sports Active. So, when I don't make it to the gym I will work out at home. On our way to the electronic department we go thru the Plus size clothing. My daughter sees a sundress and wants me to try it on. I asked her to grab the largest size (because that's what I do I always look for the largest) The largest they had was only a 22/24. Not going to work for me. I wear a 30/32. She keeps going on and on about trying it on anyhow. I did. I did it to humor her and possibly get a laugh myself. Because I am going to look like a sausage with too small a casing! I didn't go to the dressing room I figured I would just squeeze it over my tank top. When I hear the threads start to pop I will stop and hang it back on the rack. Well...... I was in shock... this thing actually fit me!! Unbelievable!

I find myself still not believing a day later that I can wear that size. My oldest daughter is excited and wants to start getting me clothes in that size now and I keep telling myself (and everyone else that knows) I really don't wear that size that the manufacturer made an error somewhere and this is not the size I am in. I wish I could see that with the loss of 40 pounds I may actually wear that size. I still don't believe it tho. My kids want me to start buying more clothes and I just don't want to yet. I am happy wearing my larger tops and sweat pants that I can tell are looser in my legs and waist area. They are even longer. Which I always laugh out loud when I am wearing them. I will put my clothes on and step on the length of my pants which has never happened before. I was always trying to pull my pants down lower on my waist because my length has always been to short. Now I am wearing my pants up higher because of how long they are and I even roll the waist bands down some because they are a little big. It's all a little surreal to me.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Ah Ha!!

I had forgotten about this until I responded to a post on the Weight Watchers board. It is my moment that woke me up this time.

Not every one has thier "ah ha" moment that kicks them in the ass and gets them moving towards losing weight. I have tried to lose weight too many times to count on 100 poeples fingers and toes!! But I actually have to say I did have one of those moments this time around in my journey to lose weight. I had, had several in the past But this one really woke me up.

On my 44th birthday my kids scheduled a birthday party at Don Pablos. My daughter had just started driving and wanted us to ride in her car. She doesn't drive on the highway and wanted me to drive. I go to sit in her Honda Accord and had to almost grease the outsides of my body to fit in between the seat and the stearing wheel!! What a horrible sight. I was squished in. I didn't know if I was going to be able to get out once we had arrived. So as I am smashed in this tiny area I am anticipating getting the heck out of this car. Wow was that a task! So I finally get out of her car to never want to be in that situation again!! That was on April 11th. I started Weight Watchers April 14th. That was the best thing I have ever done. I have gone to meetings before but I never lost more than 20 pounds and I always quit. I usually ended up in meetings with a leader who has lost 20 pounds or less to make it to goal. This time I decided to shop around till I found a leader who could identify with my struggles. My leader is awesome. He has lost over 100 pounds and he is the greatest! I love my meetings and the people who attend them in my class are the best. They are very supportyive and I really like these people and they seem to like me also! lol, But seriously, I am now almost 40 pounds less,over 14 inches lost and have completed 13 weeks of meetings. AWESOME... I feel Awesome. I have a new attitude, people notice me now because of my confidence. Have alot of people noticed I lost weight??... some.. but, I do not care. I know how I feel and I am amazed every day I wake up, because of what I am doing for me. I have done such a turn around in my thinking and I can not tell anyone in words how happy I am.

I just wanted to share this because when I was on the boards and shared it with someone there I realized I needed to blog my "Ah Ha" moment.

I have got to be the WORST.......

Blogger!! LOL I say I am going to post my dream panties and I don't! I said that I will put up a full length pic of myself the other night... didn't!! Horrible! I swear I will get it together one of these days!!

So anyhow, I had my weigh in at WW last night. I was sweating bullets man seriously!! I had eaten fast food every day last week. I did watch the amounts I had eaten, But I did go over my points some.... every day Yes Every sticken day I went over!! I had also eaten all my extras (weeklies) and then some. So I walk into WW expecting a gain. In my head I am thinking ok did I exercise?!... check...Did I drink my water?...another check! Hmm ...That damn fast food is it gonna bite me in the ass?!?...check? NO !! ha ha wait!! I think my exercise paid off!!! I LOST 1.6!! Hooray!! So the scale loved me up yet another week. That was my 13th weigh in. I have lost exactly 37.8 I just tell people about 40 pounds, cause I know that I am so close it will be here pretty soon. So I have lost 7.8 before I joined the WW meetings and now I have 9 more pounds before WW considers I have lost 10 % of my weight so far. I want those 9 pounds so BADLY I can taste it. So my goal is to bite this 9 pounds in the ass as quickly as possible. I know I should do it slowly but I so want that 10 %. I would like to say I will have it in 2 weeks but I will take it as it comes and not set my expectations to high. Even tho I so want it like yesterday!!

So if any of you have any special weight loss dust to give that 9 pounds to me ASAP I would love to recieve it!!

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Been awhile!

Ok, Ok I know it has been awhile since my last blog. I am so bad at this! I will try to improve..... I promise.

So I have been On Program now for 13 weeks, over 14 inches lost and almost 40 pounds lighter. I just can not believe this whole process. I knew I had it in me to succeed But at the same time failing was in the back of my head. I never took a before picture but I have found a few of the pics when I weighed 402 so I will post them here in a few I will also post my now shot later tonight I really need to take it. I can not believe what a difference 40 pounds has made. I feel like such a strong and confident person. (also a lighter woman!! I have to add! )Which is so unlike the woman I was a few months ago. Even tho I have always been fun to be around and never had troubles getting dates. The difference now is I no longer hold my head down in shame. It is awesome to feel like this and I love it!! I never want to go backwards again.

I have been walking 4 miles a day at least 3 days a week and I am starting to go back to the gym. I feel strong and capable of doing things I even have a few NSV's ( non-scale victories) My seat belt now fits!! HOORAY!! I can bend down easily to pick items up off of the ground. My pants used to be to short on me and now they are to long! lol that one is funny to me. Men notice me more now and it's not because of the weight lost but, because of my confidence. I am no longer afraid to walk in front of others in fear I wont fit or may be ridiculed... I do so now with the ability to know that I am smaller and always did fit before but was to ashamed to walk around other people. Crazy I know but I would let everyone before me do things and I would be last before I allowed myself to do whatever it was everyone else was in line for. So yes this journey is changing me and I LOVE it!! I can not express in words the changes I have been going thru.

I used weight as a wall that I built around myself. There are things and people in the past that I allowed to cause my going to food for comfort. As the weight comes off I get very emotional. I do fear the walls coming down and that is scarey to me BUT I know that I have to do this for me and stop living or NOT living my life like I deserve and so want to. I numbed myself with food for far to long and now I am taking life back!!