Saturday, July 11, 2009

Been awhile!

Ok, Ok I know it has been awhile since my last blog. I am so bad at this! I will try to improve..... I promise.

So I have been On Program now for 13 weeks, over 14 inches lost and almost 40 pounds lighter. I just can not believe this whole process. I knew I had it in me to succeed But at the same time failing was in the back of my head. I never took a before picture but I have found a few of the pics when I weighed 402 so I will post them here in a few I will also post my now shot later tonight I really need to take it. I can not believe what a difference 40 pounds has made. I feel like such a strong and confident person. (also a lighter woman!! I have to add! )Which is so unlike the woman I was a few months ago. Even tho I have always been fun to be around and never had troubles getting dates. The difference now is I no longer hold my head down in shame. It is awesome to feel like this and I love it!! I never want to go backwards again.

I have been walking 4 miles a day at least 3 days a week and I am starting to go back to the gym. I feel strong and capable of doing things I even have a few NSV's ( non-scale victories) My seat belt now fits!! HOORAY!! I can bend down easily to pick items up off of the ground. My pants used to be to short on me and now they are to long! lol that one is funny to me. Men notice me more now and it's not because of the weight lost but, because of my confidence. I am no longer afraid to walk in front of others in fear I wont fit or may be ridiculed... I do so now with the ability to know that I am smaller and always did fit before but was to ashamed to walk around other people. Crazy I know but I would let everyone before me do things and I would be last before I allowed myself to do whatever it was everyone else was in line for. So yes this journey is changing me and I LOVE it!! I can not express in words the changes I have been going thru.

I used weight as a wall that I built around myself. There are things and people in the past that I allowed to cause my going to food for comfort. As the weight comes off I get very emotional. I do fear the walls coming down and that is scarey to me BUT I know that I have to do this for me and stop living or NOT living my life like I deserve and so want to. I numbed myself with food for far to long and now I am taking life back!!

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