Tuesday, October 13, 2009

52 pounds gone

I am just going to post a quickie! I have lost as of today's date 52 pounds! I feel so wonderful. I am having issues of packing up my baggy clothes and I am afraid to give them away for fear I guess of regaining the weight back! That is not a good thing to do. But this is my dilemma at the time. I really do not have alot of time to put this post together but I wanted to document my up to date loss so far!! I will post again soon!

Saturday, September 5, 2009

44 Pounds down and counting!!

Went to my meeting on Tuesday and I lost 4 more pounds! I am down a total of 44 pounds!! I am amazed by some of the things that have changed with losing that amount.
~ I am fitting in chairs that I could never sit in comfortably before.
~I am able to wear my seat belt in my car now.
~That Honda Accord that I didn't fit into before...No longer a problem!
~I can wear alot of the clothes that were way to small for me before.
~It is crazy how things are changing for me. I have more confidence and I really don't care as much as to what other people are thinking about me. I am getting out more often and I feel awesome.

I did post another face shot of myself and will take some full body shots soon. My digital camera doesnt want to cooperate with me so I am doing it the old fashioned way. getting prints off a disposable camera. It will be a few weeks to get it full of photos and then I will post more. Have a great holiday weekend!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

You can't possibly mean me !?!

"Hey! You inspire me!" Who?! ...What?!...Me?? No, not me! I walked over to the two women talking to me, I said "Aaaw,thanks!" The woman said No, I'm serious! You are my inspiration! She told me how she is a newbie and by listening to me at the meetings, I show her that it is possible to lose the weight. Her friend also felt the same way about me. How they thought about quitting but because of me they have decided not to. Wow! This is so funny to me. I never considered myself an inspiration. I was floored and flattered all at one time.

I pretty much speak at all of the meetings and usually always have an NSV (non-scale victory) or an SV. (scale victory) This week, I was not going to go to my meeting. I had already made up my mind. Plus, I had an excuse. My daughter needed help with my grandbabies! There it is. In stone that I have a committment to my kids. Not to mention that for 2 weeks I have not been OP (on Program) at all. I didn't go crazy like I would have before WW ( Weight Watchers) But, last week I had a gain of 5.2 just to give you some insight on what I am referring to. This week I had a loss. 3.8! I was actually expecting maybe a small gain. I have not journalled, exercised, drank enough water, Nothing!! I was doing my own thing and setting myself up for failure. Once again! The cycle is unravelling.

I made up my mind to go and just get back on the wagon and get it rolling again. I walk into my meeting, and my leader was writting down names on the name tags and as it becomes my turn to weigh in, he goes up behind the counter and calls me to get weighed in by him. Nooo!! I didn't want him to see my gain! That was the first thought in my head! I was so embarrassed! So he asked me how my week went. I explained to him I need help, how I have been struggling and that I was not intending on coming to the meeting. But, I knew that was setting myself up for allowing bad behaviour to set in. I knew I needed this meeting. He had told me that the topic we are talking about tonight is exactly where I am now in my journey. Great! Glad I came! The 3.8 pound loss was nice also!!

While in the meeting, we are talking about what keeps us going, what we did the first week we joined, why we joined and how to get that enthusiasm back. I talked about how I have always been an all or nothing type person and how because of that I have changed to doing nothing the past few weeks since I "fell" off the wagon. How I have to slow down some on thinking It's all or nothing. Because, thats how I have failed in the past. I can't think that walking 4 miles everynight is always going to happen. I now know that I must still get in my exercise just maybe not everyday like I was and then crashed and now I burn! No, I can't be like that any longer. He had everyone in my meeting applaud me at least 3 times. It was cool But at the same time I felt like I was trying to steal all the attention. That was not the case. Talking at the meetings helps me out alot! I usually do not speak in front of crowds. But, I am able to here, and I like it alot!

When the two women approached me, told me that I inspire them, I loved it and it gave me back exactly what I need to make it thru another week and then some. To know that I have helped someone else out in thier journey makes me want to strive for more. "Thanks Ladies, you have made my night!"

Saturday, July 25, 2009

It seems strange to me.

Yesterday, I was getting dressed to take my babies out for lunch. I put on my shirt and then my jeans. The jeans I put on today I had not worn in about a month. They are the stretch type jeans. Now trust me these jeans know what it is like to be stretched to capacity! I have worn these babies thru when I was 40 pounds heavier and could barely zip them up!! So, I put the jeans on and with ease zipped them up. But, this time they are loose!! I could not believe that my jeans were finally loose! I thought this was never going to happen. I actually had to fold the top under so they wouldn't stick out!! So, I get dressed and am on my way.

I meet my daughter and my 2 grand babies and go into the restaurant. This is something that I have never done but, I was being brave today. I did not tell the waiter to make sure to seat us at a table. Because being big we all know that a huge fear is BOOTHS! The fear of not fitting. So with the jeans being loose I am being a little "Riskay" (Yes Pronounced Risk kay.) LOL. We were seated and guess what?! I fit!! Ha ha! I was thrilled to not feel like I was an inconvenience. Or an embarrassment to the ones that were with me because I had to specially ask for a table. We had a great time together and we ate and laughed. My two favorite things! That and being with my family which means more to me than anything. My daughter and my granddaughters leave.

Me and my daughter Briana decide we want to go school shopping and get supplies at Walmart. I wanted to look at prices on a Wii. Because, I told myself once I lose 50 pounds I am getting the Wii along with the EA Sports Active. So, when I don't make it to the gym I will work out at home. On our way to the electronic department we go thru the Plus size clothing. My daughter sees a sundress and wants me to try it on. I asked her to grab the largest size (because that's what I do I always look for the largest) The largest they had was only a 22/24. Not going to work for me. I wear a 30/32. She keeps going on and on about trying it on anyhow. I did. I did it to humor her and possibly get a laugh myself. Because I am going to look like a sausage with too small a casing! I didn't go to the dressing room I figured I would just squeeze it over my tank top. When I hear the threads start to pop I will stop and hang it back on the rack. Well...... I was in shock... this thing actually fit me!! Unbelievable!

I find myself still not believing a day later that I can wear that size. My oldest daughter is excited and wants to start getting me clothes in that size now and I keep telling myself (and everyone else that knows) I really don't wear that size that the manufacturer made an error somewhere and this is not the size I am in. I wish I could see that with the loss of 40 pounds I may actually wear that size. I still don't believe it tho. My kids want me to start buying more clothes and I just don't want to yet. I am happy wearing my larger tops and sweat pants that I can tell are looser in my legs and waist area. They are even longer. Which I always laugh out loud when I am wearing them. I will put my clothes on and step on the length of my pants which has never happened before. I was always trying to pull my pants down lower on my waist because my length has always been to short. Now I am wearing my pants up higher because of how long they are and I even roll the waist bands down some because they are a little big. It's all a little surreal to me.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Ah Ha!!

I had forgotten about this until I responded to a post on the Weight Watchers board. It is my moment that woke me up this time.

Not every one has thier "ah ha" moment that kicks them in the ass and gets them moving towards losing weight. I have tried to lose weight too many times to count on 100 poeples fingers and toes!! But I actually have to say I did have one of those moments this time around in my journey to lose weight. I had, had several in the past But this one really woke me up.

On my 44th birthday my kids scheduled a birthday party at Don Pablos. My daughter had just started driving and wanted us to ride in her car. She doesn't drive on the highway and wanted me to drive. I go to sit in her Honda Accord and had to almost grease the outsides of my body to fit in between the seat and the stearing wheel!! What a horrible sight. I was squished in. I didn't know if I was going to be able to get out once we had arrived. So as I am smashed in this tiny area I am anticipating getting the heck out of this car. Wow was that a task! So I finally get out of her car to never want to be in that situation again!! That was on April 11th. I started Weight Watchers April 14th. That was the best thing I have ever done. I have gone to meetings before but I never lost more than 20 pounds and I always quit. I usually ended up in meetings with a leader who has lost 20 pounds or less to make it to goal. This time I decided to shop around till I found a leader who could identify with my struggles. My leader is awesome. He has lost over 100 pounds and he is the greatest! I love my meetings and the people who attend them in my class are the best. They are very supportyive and I really like these people and they seem to like me also! lol, But seriously, I am now almost 40 pounds less,over 14 inches lost and have completed 13 weeks of meetings. AWESOME... I feel Awesome. I have a new attitude, people notice me now because of my confidence. Have alot of people noticed I lost weight??... some.. but, I do not care. I know how I feel and I am amazed every day I wake up, because of what I am doing for me. I have done such a turn around in my thinking and I can not tell anyone in words how happy I am.

I just wanted to share this because when I was on the boards and shared it with someone there I realized I needed to blog my "Ah Ha" moment.

I have got to be the WORST.......

Blogger!! LOL I say I am going to post my dream panties and I don't! I said that I will put up a full length pic of myself the other night... didn't!! Horrible! I swear I will get it together one of these days!!

So anyhow, I had my weigh in at WW last night. I was sweating bullets man seriously!! I had eaten fast food every day last week. I did watch the amounts I had eaten, But I did go over my points some.... every day Yes Every sticken day I went over!! I had also eaten all my extras (weeklies) and then some. So I walk into WW expecting a gain. In my head I am thinking ok did I exercise?!... check...Did I drink my water?...another check! Hmm ...That damn fast food is it gonna bite me in the ass?!?...check? NO !! ha ha wait!! I think my exercise paid off!!! I LOST 1.6!! Hooray!! So the scale loved me up yet another week. That was my 13th weigh in. I have lost exactly 37.8 I just tell people about 40 pounds, cause I know that I am so close it will be here pretty soon. So I have lost 7.8 before I joined the WW meetings and now I have 9 more pounds before WW considers I have lost 10 % of my weight so far. I want those 9 pounds so BADLY I can taste it. So my goal is to bite this 9 pounds in the ass as quickly as possible. I know I should do it slowly but I so want that 10 %. I would like to say I will have it in 2 weeks but I will take it as it comes and not set my expectations to high. Even tho I so want it like yesterday!!

So if any of you have any special weight loss dust to give that 9 pounds to me ASAP I would love to recieve it!!

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Been awhile!

Ok, Ok I know it has been awhile since my last blog. I am so bad at this! I will try to improve..... I promise.

So I have been On Program now for 13 weeks, over 14 inches lost and almost 40 pounds lighter. I just can not believe this whole process. I knew I had it in me to succeed But at the same time failing was in the back of my head. I never took a before picture but I have found a few of the pics when I weighed 402 so I will post them here in a few I will also post my now shot later tonight I really need to take it. I can not believe what a difference 40 pounds has made. I feel like such a strong and confident person. (also a lighter woman!! I have to add! )Which is so unlike the woman I was a few months ago. Even tho I have always been fun to be around and never had troubles getting dates. The difference now is I no longer hold my head down in shame. It is awesome to feel like this and I love it!! I never want to go backwards again.

I have been walking 4 miles a day at least 3 days a week and I am starting to go back to the gym. I feel strong and capable of doing things I even have a few NSV's ( non-scale victories) My seat belt now fits!! HOORAY!! I can bend down easily to pick items up off of the ground. My pants used to be to short on me and now they are to long! lol that one is funny to me. Men notice me more now and it's not because of the weight lost but, because of my confidence. I am no longer afraid to walk in front of others in fear I wont fit or may be ridiculed... I do so now with the ability to know that I am smaller and always did fit before but was to ashamed to walk around other people. Crazy I know but I would let everyone before me do things and I would be last before I allowed myself to do whatever it was everyone else was in line for. So yes this journey is changing me and I LOVE it!! I can not express in words the changes I have been going thru.

I used weight as a wall that I built around myself. There are things and people in the past that I allowed to cause my going to food for comfort. As the weight comes off I get very emotional. I do fear the walls coming down and that is scarey to me BUT I know that I have to do this for me and stop living or NOT living my life like I deserve and so want to. I numbed myself with food for far to long and now I am taking life back!!

Monday, May 18, 2009

The BIG panties!!

So I was doing great until last week! I Allowed my addiction to kick in and take over , It was like I was drawn to the bad foods like moth to a flame. I am a true "crack"head for food. I really feel like food is my drug of choice! Anyhow, tomorrow is my weigh in and as much as I do not wanna face that scale... I have to "bite the bullet" and move forward! Lesson learned!

Last week was mothers day and a bday party that I had to face! My daughter made me cookies and of course I ate them! And at the Bday party who woould have known my famous home made mac n cheese was over 18 points for 2 cups! So, I exercised alot that week to get a maintain on the scale! Whew! No gain and no loss, works for me!

You know the worst part of everything that has happened over the past few weeks... Maybe it should be the best part... When I eat foods high in fat, I feel like crap and I notice the difference almost within 10 minutes or less of eating those foods. I get a tummy ache or even worse the bubble guts! lol !! So you would think that should be enough to make me stay away But, Noooooooo!! I still crave the high fat killers I have been eating all of my life! It would be so nice if I didn't need food for survival I could quit it cold turkey! I had smoked for many, many years!! As soon as it was causing problems for my children, I dropped smoking quicker than you could say "don't light that!" But food.... NOPE can't get that lucky!

Well, Looks like for now I may get in 2 posts per month!! LOL! I want to shoot for at least once a week till I can get more time. I have baseball with my son everynight and therapy for my daughter two times a week and I try to walk also while my son has practice. Such little time for a single, working mother! I also want to take some pictures tonight. I finally took measurements a few nights ago I wish I would have done that 4 weeks ago when I joined WW. But I know I have lost inches because I can't keep my panties up!! YES I SAID MY PANTIES! LOL so tonight I am stopping at Walmart to get new ones!! Never thought that would excite me, but then again my goal outfit is a pair of panties in size 8, a pretty pink pair!! I will show them to you when I get home tonight. I will take a pic and add it with this post!

I have to write back once more this month to let you know the damage at tomorrows weigh in! :O(

Saturday, May 2, 2009

You probably think I quit!

Noooo, no! I am still at it but I have to figure out time management. It is very hard for me to find the time to write.

Ok so the past month or more I have decided that I have to have the support of a group. Yes I joined WW! I love my leader and the people in the group! I have had a few things detour me BUT I didn't allow them to stop my efforts and stay strong! I have lost another 10 pounds so I am now down almost 20. I am so excited.

I will be back later tonight But I just wanted to post that I have not gone AWAL (Is that how it is spelled LOL A-wall) Anyhow I am on my way out the door to my sons game I will be back! I have alot to tell. Have a great day!!

Friday, April 3, 2009

The way a small change has affected me.

Today has been a wonderful day. Even though I have been to a funeral, my 18 year old had her wisdom teeth removed and it is gloomy outside. I should probably be not so wide eyed and bushy tailed (is that how it goes?!) When it is usually rainy and dark outside I am usually sleepy and just wanna stay home inside. Who am I fooling ?! That could be any day not just rainy ones!!But not today actually at the funeral an old friend noticed I lost weight and he complimented me on my loss thus far. I also had someone flirt with me today at the grocery store, too bad he wasn't my type! LOL! But needless to say he must have been attracted to my positive and upbeat attitude today! I feel great! I have been OP for almost a week and I feel great! It is a nice feeling to have. I feel sexy and like I can conquer the world! This has to be short but I wanted to get a post out there. I will write something more interesting later!!

Monday, March 30, 2009

All or Nothing!

OK, so I have always had an all of nothing mentality! That way of thinking has caused my failures a hundred and some times. I can not think of it in that way no more. I now know that it has been a huge factor whether I succeeded or not.

The goals I set for myself were always to high! 1) drink 8-8 ounce glasses of water. 2)exercise 6 days a week. 3)Keep calories below 1,800. 4)walk 10,000 steps a day. I could go on and on And all of these goals are attainable But I would want them from the moment I started and when it was not to my liking I would give up. I would always lose a certain amount of weight then once that 1st 20 pounds was lost I would think of how much more I would have to lose and just say I will never get there I have entirely too much to weight! That all or nothing mentality is a bust!

Baby steps and habits are what I am going for now and so far so good. I am truly working on that water it is so hard for me to get my water in. Tonight I started working out so I walked a 17 minute mile. I am going to continue to increase but for right now that kicked my tail! and I am going to aim for three times this week. If I get in more that's great but I will not beat myself up if I don't. I also had a hell of a time with dinner tonight! My kids wanted fried chicken wings! FRIED WINGS Oh how I wanted them ....drenched in ranch dressing and hot sauce! BUT I made myself some chicken and rice and some sweet potatoes instead of french fries! I was very proud of myself But it was so damn hard!!

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Aches and Pains.

Woke up this morning to shoulder pains and a backache. But those are only a small amount of the pains that I have. My heart aches because of my size and how I have lost control. I have done anything I truly wanted in life (almost.) but, the ONE thing I want the most, my health and lose the extra weight. Even tho I am the size of 3 people (YES 3!) who would weigh around 129 each. try carrying two extra people around on your back,your hips, thighs and don't forget on your belly and chest and see if you have enough energy to make it thru the entire day! That makes me a warrior to do all of that, but I cant do it no more. The life I have lived and to overcome has also made me the warrior I am today also But I need to be that person without the weight/mask that I am wearing!

I don't want to be 129 or even 140 or 150. My goal weight would be between 160 and 180. I would love to be in that weight range. Can I be that size tomorrow? (it would be nice!) but no it will probably take me about 2 years to 2 and 1/2 years. Is it worth it?! You bet it is and that is my goal. I welcome this journey. It will help me get and acquire the tools I will need to take it with me thru to the end. The end meaning with the last breath that I take. I will have to do this forever once I have accomplished my weight loss.

As sad as it sounds I don't live a day without fear. Fear of speaking in front of crowds and I have so much that I could speak about and help others with. I have such a testimony and don't tell it to others that don't know me. I have a lot of life lessons that I can teach and help others with. Fear I will be humiliated in front of my children and friends by someone that wants to be a jerk and make jokes. Fear that I will not fit in a chair or even worse if I do fit in it, will it with stand all of my weight and be kind enough not to break!? So I usually stay home unless I have to go out. I have limited friends and not a lot of family so that makes it easy for me to live this life of not interacting with others.

So as you can see my aches and pains come mostly from the heart and mind. But I have so many reasons to lose the weight and mostly because I am tired and want to live an active and healthy life. I miss horseback riding so much among other activities, running being one I miss also. I just want to be able to live life unlike I am know and letting life pass me !

Saturday, March 28, 2009

I have allowed my weight to define who I am.

Hi! My name is Colette and as of today, I am 43 years old. I will soon be 44. I just want to take a moment to say what has brought me here. I have always been on the heavy side all of my life. When I was 15 years old at 150 pounds I felt like the fattest teenager in the world. (If I only knew then what I do now!) At that time in my life I chose to binge and purge (bulimia) And so that started the vicious cycle of my weight issues. Yes, I had other issues in my life at that time and I believe that's another reason I turned to food, choosing to eat large amounts and causing my body to get rid of it was control for me. It was the only thing I felt I was in control of, because everything around me was falling apart. (I may get into some of those later)

In middle school kids teased me about my size and I felt terrible. In high school I thought I was a decent size but there were still people who thought I should drop off the face of the earth because I wasn't a size 4. I liked my size 14 jeans.Who asked them anyhow!? Screw them! But it starts to sink in and your self esteem can start to weaken. I know mine did! I can not believe I allowed it to happen ,but I did and the weight just kept coming and coming! Why did it have to always find me tho!? There were other people who needed it more than me!! By the time I left high school I weighed in at a whopping 250!

When I started to have children and use that as another excuse to eat more food, I gained and gained more weight on top of that svelte figure I was already rockin'! I didn't mind being a larger size. I didn't have problems with dating or relationships. Finding men was never an issue until I realized looking back that the types of men I attracted were not the types you would want in your life forever. Definitely not husband material !!!! Maybe that would explain why I was engaged several times and never married any of them!

Today I weigh 389.2 I am 5'6". I started losing weight like 29 years ago and I would lose,gain and do it again but the gains overcame the losses. I am tired of of allowing my weight define who I am around others who do not approve of my size! I hate hanging my head in shame because other people do not want to see me. I am a great person, who has a wonderful sense of humor and I don't allow myself to shine completely, because I allow the amount of weight that I carry define who I am. So... I am going to take control back and do it right this time. I started out at 402 pounds the beginning of this year. So slowly I have taken off some weight. It would have been more if I would have been more diligent. But it is going down I do not expect miracles. I am working on making small changes so that they will become habits.

I figured I would start this blog because I have read several others that have inspired me and I love reading other blogger experiences and in hopes that I will become an inspiration to others as well.