Saturday, March 28, 2009

I have allowed my weight to define who I am.

Hi! My name is Colette and as of today, I am 43 years old. I will soon be 44. I just want to take a moment to say what has brought me here. I have always been on the heavy side all of my life. When I was 15 years old at 150 pounds I felt like the fattest teenager in the world. (If I only knew then what I do now!) At that time in my life I chose to binge and purge (bulimia) And so that started the vicious cycle of my weight issues. Yes, I had other issues in my life at that time and I believe that's another reason I turned to food, choosing to eat large amounts and causing my body to get rid of it was control for me. It was the only thing I felt I was in control of, because everything around me was falling apart. (I may get into some of those later)

In middle school kids teased me about my size and I felt terrible. In high school I thought I was a decent size but there were still people who thought I should drop off the face of the earth because I wasn't a size 4. I liked my size 14 jeans.Who asked them anyhow!? Screw them! But it starts to sink in and your self esteem can start to weaken. I know mine did! I can not believe I allowed it to happen ,but I did and the weight just kept coming and coming! Why did it have to always find me tho!? There were other people who needed it more than me!! By the time I left high school I weighed in at a whopping 250!

When I started to have children and use that as another excuse to eat more food, I gained and gained more weight on top of that svelte figure I was already rockin'! I didn't mind being a larger size. I didn't have problems with dating or relationships. Finding men was never an issue until I realized looking back that the types of men I attracted were not the types you would want in your life forever. Definitely not husband material !!!! Maybe that would explain why I was engaged several times and never married any of them!

Today I weigh 389.2 I am 5'6". I started losing weight like 29 years ago and I would lose,gain and do it again but the gains overcame the losses. I am tired of of allowing my weight define who I am around others who do not approve of my size! I hate hanging my head in shame because other people do not want to see me. I am a great person, who has a wonderful sense of humor and I don't allow myself to shine completely, because I allow the amount of weight that I carry define who I am. So... I am going to take control back and do it right this time. I started out at 402 pounds the beginning of this year. So slowly I have taken off some weight. It would have been more if I would have been more diligent. But it is going down I do not expect miracles. I am working on making small changes so that they will become habits.

I figured I would start this blog because I have read several others that have inspired me and I love reading other blogger experiences and in hopes that I will become an inspiration to others as well.

1 comment:

  1. I am looking forward to reading more about your journey. I found a world of support in blogland. I hope you will too. I also found a large group of women who started over 300 pounds, and it was encouraging to be able to relate to each and every one!